I know lots of new parents have questions about sleep. I know it has only been 1 week. I know that he might still have jet lag. I know all these things, but if anyone can give me any other advice we would SO appreciate it. This blows. Lots of adoptive parents sleep with their child on the floor after they come home from Korea. In South Korea, the family sleeps together on the floor. We were planning on this. We were not planning on him having a huge aversion to any sort of sleep that required lying down. The first 5 nights we walked with him while he was asleep. We walked while we were asleep. We tried to sleep on the one piece of carpet we have in our house which happens to be a 5'/7' rug. He squirmed and threw himself all over us. The defining moment came when I thought he may have broken my noise in the middle of the night by head butting me randomly.
Some of you may have read my previous post the night before Thanksgiving stating that he was asleep in his crib. This was a miracle for us because we had not slept more that 4 hours a night in a week, even though we were taking turns sleeping. That night he did great. On Thanksgiving he he took a nap in his crib twice, easy peasy. However people at Thanksgiving thought it was appropriate to feed him untold amounts of food. It didn't occur to me until Ike screamed for 5 hours last night with an apparent stomach ache and from being 'over stimulated' (a term I used to make fun of). I kept seeing visions and hearing people saying "Ike loves turkey", "Ike loves cheesy green beans", "Ike likes sweet potatoes". Really? It didn't occur to me to have to include 'don't feed Ike" with 'don't feed my dogs". I thought everyone knew you were supposed to ask before you fed babies?Needless to say, Ike did not sleep till midnight. It is not only that he does not want to sleep in his crib. He does not want to sleep during the night or really at all. I know he is tired because he falls asleep for brief periods and then wakes up screaming. It is heartbreaking and terrifying for us. All of us including the dogs. I have read other people's accounts on how they slept on the floor, slept in the baby's room, etc.. I know about his jetlag, but really he seems over it. I think it is that he was used to sleeping on the floor with his foster mom and, more than that, he was used to sleeping where ever on the floor and getting bottles all the time. She said numerous times that he moves around a lot in his sleep and he sleeps where ever he wants. Looking back, I think this means that he tries to beat you up in his sleep and crawles all over the floor. This behavior is not safe here. We have spiders sometimes from the field behind our house. We have big dogs that could step on him if he is somewhere unexpected. We only have that small piece of carpet, the rest is cold wood. Not wonderful heated floors, like they most likely had.
Anyway. I know everyone is laughing at me. I knew we would be tired. I did not know how horrible of a person it would make me or that I would be in physical danger from a 25 lb boy. I actually think he might be sleeping now. :)
If any of you have any sort of advice please comment me or email AmberRCorbin@gmail.com
(The above picture is my brother fixing Ike's really long hair.)
12 comments:
Oh, sleep deprivation is a terrible thing! I'm so sorry you aren't getting any sleep. I don't have a ton of advice--we had some sleep issues with our son, but not major ones. Have you tried music? Korean lullabies or anything? Joel is really comforted by me singing, humming, or his glow worm that plays soft music. I've also read a couple good books--"Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox" has some helpful sleep information, and "The No Cry Sleep Solution" is a great book, too. I can tell you that it WILL get better--Ike won't always sleep like this. Until then, hang in there! :)
Is there anyone who can relieve you guys just during the night shift here and there a couple nights a week so that you can get some sleep and maybe get a fresh outlook on it? I have heard wonders about "The No Cry Sleep Solution" book also although I have never read it myself. Our 2 boys are biological children and I let them cry for a while 5-10 minutes before going in to their bedroom and comforting them, then leaving them again for a little while and Bingo they just sorta gave up when they realized they werent going to get out of the crib. It is so hard because you feel so mean but it really is about setting boundries especially when they are 1 years old. We are adopting a daughter from Korea and I'm definately very nervous because it is a different situation. How much of their crying is greiving or sadness or being scared?! I'm sure it would definately be harder to let her cry a little while. Good luck to you and I will follow Ike's progress with a prayer for your sanity!:)
I am sorry I do not have any great ideas, but being sleep deprived has to be the worst thing on new parents. I have read the no cry sleep solution for my boys and it is a great book if you follow it - i am bad about letting them cio and Anderson is still up 5 times a night with me rocking him.
I hope you can all get some rest soon - :(
He is so so cute with his hair - lol.
Okay, this WILL get beter. Colin has had some nights like Ike is having. We are really active and love to be out and about like you guys, and we found that initially it was way too over stimulating for him. We had to really cut back on our outings and having people over. Even though Colin loves it while we are shopping, eating out, visiting family and friends, if we do too much it shows in his sleeping habits. We also developed a night-time routine and stuck with it solid until he was more comforatable sleeping through the night. Colin also WOULD NOT sleep with us on the floor or in our room. He slept in his crib from the first week he was home. One of the things that really worked well for him was the routine. We eat dinner between 5 or 6, bath after dinner, into his jammies, bottle and rocking, then to his crib around 7 or 7:30. He sleeps with the same blanket and same stuffed animal almost every night. If he cries for more than 5-10 minutes (usually he is not actually awake during this crying), we sneak into his room and pat his back. He usually stops crying. Also, is Ike still on formula? Is it what he had in Korea? I've found that switching Colin from his Korea formula to a milk based formula here did not work well right away. We eventually put him on soy based forumula then soy milk. Now he is on Lactaid and doing great, but when I had him on regular cow's milk he had problems sleeping. Hope this helps, Amber. I know how terrible it is to not sleep and just worry, worry, worry about your little guy. Sorry this is so long :)
I know what sleep deprivation is like....miserable, it morphs you into a new person. I just wanted to echo what Becky said. When Jee first got home we found that keeping his world very small for the first while was very helpful. When we did finally step out into the world he did great while we were out and about but really, really struggled at sleep time on those days. I know for Jee it was very,very calm in his foster home and also they didn't get out much. I think it's easy to forget what a huge transition they have gone through, poor little sugars. With my biological kids I had them out and about a few days out of the hospital and it was a breeze. With Jee though that just didn't work. It took him quite awhile (I'm not even going to tell you how long :( ) to get the sleeping down although each week it seemed to get a little bit better. In the long run, it is just a short blip in your life (easy for me to say, I know...since we are now getting a full nights sleep). As far as letting him cry, I really think it is too early for that, friend. Again, it's different for bio kids and children that come home at nine months but his world has just been turned upside down. Jee dealt with lots of anxiety and sadness/grief in the night too.
I know it is just so hard not getting enough sleep. I will be praying for you guys. You can do it!!!! This too shall pass, I promise.
No one is laughing. Anyone who has had a child knows the frustration and extreme fatigue from worrying and being up at night with a crying child. I feel your pain and concern. Let me know if you need a "pitch hitter" for the field. Love, M
Also, how is your little nose? I hope he did not bruise it or black your eye! But I have had this happen to me from my babies when I was a new mom. It really hurts!
cecily sleeps with a sound machine. we have a routine. sometimes our routine changes! how about a futon with guard rails? i'm reaching i know, but you guys will get it down pat and this will be in the distant past soon. love you so much. don't hesitate to call for backup!
oh honey no one is laughing at you. anyone who has children (or a husband who snores) knows exactly how you feel. i really think the most important thing is routine & calming them down a lot before bed. if taking a bath calms him down, do it. some babies get excited for their bath though & so it wouldn't be good to do that before bed. we have a dimmer switch on the light in moxie's room & that helps so much, i just turn the lights down really low when i'm giving her a big bottle at bedtime. and she sleeps with a fan. about a month ago i had to use the "cry it out" method when she went to bed because she wasn't wanting to go to sleep. i only had to do it for a few nights and now she goes to sleep as soon as we walk out of the room. anyway, routine is definitely the most important thing, i think. soon ike will be a champion sleeper like mox. you can do it!! love you.
i just thought of something else... if you are using cloth diapers you might want to try disposables at night. with cloth diapers they feel wet when they are wet and it might be waking him up/keeping him awake. disposables suck all that wet in so they don't feel it! :) ok. i think that's all.
Hello, we adopted a baby girl from China and she had many sleep issues. We have had her home 19 months now and she JUST stopped screaming out in her sleep. It is a process and it takes time...BUT there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We did a night-time routine...bath, rocking, singing, white noise machine and same night-night and just did the same boring thing every single night...she used to cry every single night and now she goes to bed very happily and calmly. These kids are scared!!! Just rock and love on them as much as you can and always do the SAME thing. I loved the book: Healthy sleep habits, Happy Child. It gives you the "science" behind sleep. You can just browse the pages...I know you don't have time to read..but it has lots of good advice. Keep up the great work, nap whenever you get the chance and eat well. You can do it girl!!! We just started our adoption process for a little boy from Korea...so it was fun reading about your trip!!! Congrats on your little ball of energy.
I am surprised no one mention Nyquil - or just a little whiskey on his gums - only teasing!
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