Another August, another job

(this picture and other similar ones were taken by Jamie at Dimples & Dirt Photography)

It seems that every year around this time I am either offered a job or, as in last year, laid off a job. I have had a lot of jobs. Most have been contract jobs, which come and go. And then there's my real estate company that I started in response to not being able to get a job I thought would work. My diplomas are still in their original tubes because I have not found anywhere I thought I would be for long enough to frame them.

This year I have been offered a position that I hope will work. Actually, I am very hopefully. And most of that has to do with me. It's hard because I always have real estate waiting for me when things get hard and I have a tendency to return at any moment and I never let that part go. But now, with Ike, I am unable and unwilling to work the hours I did previously. And I know I need to make a decision- which has to be a regular job.

Not that this is just any regular job. I feel pretty lucky to have it. Its a state job so I get regular hours without them being billable. I get PAID vacation-which is completely opposite of what I have now. Now, I go on vacation; someone I have been working with for months decides they need a house today; I either 1) spend all the vacation working, or 2) the client decides that it doesn't matter that we have been friends since first grade and that I have been helping them for months and buy the house through someone else. Since international cell service I have been able to do number 1 instead of the latter. But it still sucks. I worked in Korea while picking up Ike, I had to work THE day after Ike came home. I lost 3 deals while on our honeymoon because people didn't 'want to bother' me. Do you know what 'bother's me' losing money. :) I even worked the day we had Ike's finalization while I had our family over at my house. I have worked Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, on dates with my husband, birthday parties... I think the only person who notices is Luke. And poor Luke. I have called him numerous times freaking out because I am only one person and called on him to do something NOW even while he is at work or anywhere. He told me that he and Ike are tired of working for Corbin Realty.

So out of somewhat no where I was asked for my resume, had an interview and am starting a new (hopefully) career next week as a property management attorney, or something (the title was not made clear to me). I am very torn. It is hard to start something new. In my head I am this fabulous stay at home mom who miraculously makes money. But I know this isn't the case. I'm on the verge of freak out most times. I'm either so busy that I'm handing off Ike to whoever can watch him and haven't had a day off in 45 or I'm so slow that I'm worried about paying my office rent and getting the next deal. And it is really tough having your quarter depend on one or two clients who are on the fence.

We were planning on having Ike go to a full time school starting next week anyway (as opposed to the three day program he is in now) so I could hopefully get most of my work done during the day. But now he is going to school full time and I'll be working full time. Luke keeps reminding me that I will be working LESS hours with LESS stress, which is true, but it is hard.

I'm worried about so many things I haven't had to think about: "what are Sculley and Mulder going to do?", "Will they be able to stay in all day?", "What if they are outside and a storm comes (they have the garage when they are outside).", "What if it is icy and I have to drive the mini?","What if I can't do it?".

I know all of these questions are dumb and I'm worrying for nothing. And I know that I am way too worried about my dogs. But I'm worried about Ike too. He already cries every single time I drop him off. Only for 30 seconds, but it still breaks my heart. Now I'm going to have to rush out the door with him in a tornado every morning.

I do know that everyone else does this. I do know that this is going to be the best for my family and I do think I will be happier. I'm just nervous and scared. There's only one thing that will make me feel better...shopping. I think I'll do that now.